I use to think I was cursed. Cursed with a family that could never understand me; cursed with a never ending unreciprocated love for who ever spoke sweet words to me; cursed as a woman in general. Destined to be alone, overlooking all the love and chance and grace doused on me through all my hard times, never realizing that my filterless mind and curiosity to figure out why people are who they are and what got them there would eventually draw people to me with the same curiosity, affection and love that I had always believed existed.
I am in love with him. I am in love with the way he treats others, in love with his compassion, with his hurt and his ability to smile at me every morning to ask how I am. I have always been surrounded by love and I recognize that now. And I think he was too. Throughout all his tough times, he knowing more than most of us will ever know, there must have been a stronger force guiding him. He is a wonderful soul. True to me. To his friends.
I should be nothing short of ecstatic to have him in my life again.
He is not my savior nor salvation. Nor will I say that I couldn’t live without him, but I thank God every night for allowing us to cross paths again. If it ends it will end well, but I have a feeling in all of our deja vu’s that we have found each other for a reason. That we are on the track we got off of years ago. I am in love with him as a person. Not as a crutch, not as a rebound, not as something familiar and safe; but because he is my equal and we belong together. We deserve to finally be happy and we will return the favor to the Universe in thanks.