Archive | February, 2012

Famous Last Words

9 Feb

“I think I’m going to sleep in tomorrow, honey.”

I finally checked my phone. 4:45 #nowireallywontgobacktosleep Why did I do that?! It would have done no good to try to drift back anyhow. I was too riled up by some stupid work dream. Not even present day but *shudder*, that last place. Lucky for you I have jotted down a few notes of things I would like to share with you.

What married life does to us in a little blip I like to call, Things I never thought I would hear in my future house said back to back while lying in bed.

“That was the worst episode of Glee I have EVER seen.”

“I applied for Yelp Elite status today.”

End Scene

Here are ideas for skits I would like to see made. Call me if you are interested in making my dreams come true.

Don Draper, wait for it…..Present day. BOOM!
Same suit and speak, smoking in public with no apologies. Hospitals. Offices. Pouring drinks in meetings, shushing women for talking out of turn, ending up in the HR office being classy. That HR broad never stood a chance,(he has sex with her).
Or maybe we go opposite. Don Draper later years, homeless then coming back and selling AA like nobody’s business. The world buys into it and people stop drinking, smoking and every one becomes vegan. Then he has sex.

Stoner Master Chef

Bring in three regular people. Get them seriously baked. Let them chill on the sofa for ten minutes, then unleash them to choose their ingredients to see who makes the most creative, delicious freaking meal anyone on this earth has ever had.#runonsentence Who will be the next Stoner Master Chef?

Those are two of many. I can’t share all my secrets.

Next up is my review of Haywire

I would like to know whose nephew wrote this movie to have Stephen Soderbergh, Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas, Bill Paxton and Michael Douglas all on board. It is the most over choreographed pile of stench I have seen since Margin Call(if glares and long knowing stare offs can be counted as choreography). They should give Oscars out to the guys who cut terrible movies’ trailers because over and over I am getting tricked into these POS films and have now forfeited my right to choose what we watch.#Bputshisfootdown
Well stated by B, “The best part of that movie was the first five minutes in when you asked me if I wanted to watch something else.” Worst of all, we were in the theater!!!
Well, we sat through it and if you just must, I recommend sneaking in some booze and taking a drink every time someone says, “Barcelona” then calling a cab to take your disappointed drunk ass home.

Midnight in Paris
If you like Woody Allen and Hemingway DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. It will ruin everything. I just don’t get it. I like Woody Allen and after re-watching the trailer to find out where things went wrong I am still amiss because it made me want to see it all over again. #damndamndamn
I even read A Moveable Feast prior just to get the feel for it. I sat on a reclined chair with my IPA in an indie theatre and still hated it. Maybe I am just not sophisticated enough to get it. Or maybe Woody Allen is capable of making a bad movie. #thatsrightisaidit

Okay, my power cord is far away and B’s alarm is about to sound. Time to make the doughnuts…

Rants to come…
How I was denied Yelp Elite status, more bad movies and restaurant fun

Oh and don’t forget to see the video of B wooing me in a fancy hotel.